Commitment a la Starbucks. Again.

I’m back at Starbucks for the first time since Sunday. Yes – I went four solid days without Starbuck’s coffee. I feel that I have successfully helped put a dent in capitalism, and the mass production of caffeinated beverages. I would love to shun Starbucks – I do see the ethical dilemma associated with this sort of establishment (fair trade coffee, my ass!) Fortunately for Starbucks I have zero willpower. You would think that after this long on the dieting trail, and after ten years of university I would have a better developed sense of willpower. I don’t. I only successfully accomplish things when closely monitored. Seriously, it’s worse than it sounds. I have to encourage myself to complete emails, fill out paperwork, read, etc. I don’t mean moderate encouragement; it is a huge challenge to focus my brain on things that I see no point in. Anything that I have no direct interest in is highly unlikely to be done. How I managed to complete three degrees is beyond me (I was extremely interested in only about 5% of the classes I took; I was moderately interested about 30%; the rest were just filler!). Oh but wait – I didn’t really complete three degrees. Lakehead is potentially allowing me to graduate with a BSc in April. That is downgraded from the HBSc that I was originally enrolled in. Yeah – my thesis. I figured it was safer to graduate with the BSc before Lakehead changed the degree requirements, and I ended up with nothing.

I think Starbucks is mocking me. Four days, and an assortment of coffee cup options, and I have gotten the same coffee cup that I had on Sunday. The one about commitment. It might be a sign. Or maybe it is meant to be irony. Or maybe it is testing my paranoia. Either way, I’m not amused. I could boycott Starbucks entirely – leave behind the pretentiousness of sitting in a coffeehouse, typing away on a computer…but then again, sitting in Starbucks, for as seemingly pretentious as it is, makes me feel as though I am accomplishing something. Plus it justifies me wearing a pashmina scarf (Thunder Bay and Pashmina don’t really go together!)

I have just applied to the University of London (I apparently have an addiction to this UK thing). Seriously, love to learn - what I choose to learn . I am sort of like my Australian Shepherd; we joke that he is stupid (cruel, I know). He is far from stupid though – he is a selective learner. If something isn’t in his best interest to learn, he won’t do it. It took 2 years to train shake-a-paw, but in less than 2 weeks he had learned how to open our back door and let himself out (on his own, unprompted, without encouragement). The program that I have applied to in London at least gives me flexibility (I will be able to take classes that I am interested in!).

So about this University of London issue. As I’ve mentioned I also have a spot on hold at the University of Liverpool for graduate studies. If London accepts me I will take a temporary reprieve from Liverpool in order to pursue the program at London. So – two UK universities – I am sort of surprised by the process of applying to English schools. In Canada, universities expect transcripts, proof of qualifications, etc (I know, because I have applied to enough universities in Canada and the US….). The UK has its own separate technique for university applications. London wanted me to send them my degrees – the ORIGINALS! Who in their right mind, is going to throw a $25,000 piece of paper in the international mail??? I don’t think so! Oh, and then throw in that additional gamble that the university won’t loose it (because universities NEVER, EVER loose paperwork!)

Facing an issue of trust, I went to Lakehead to see if I could get a registered copy of my degree. After being confronted by blank stares in the Admissions Office (I’m used to the typical Lakehead blank stare), I was informed that you can’t get copies of a degree. Basically you spend 4-5 years of your life, and $20,000-$30,000 for a single piece of low quality paper. I don’t really understand why you can’t be given a copy – it’s not like I am going to go out and claim that I have 4 HBAs in Anthropology, and 5 Bachelor of Education degrees. I’m not suddenly going to be Leanne D. HBA HBA HBA B.Ed B.Ed B.Ed.

So no. I am not sending the original copies of my degrees in the mail.

Lakehead was nice enough to allow me to photocopy my existing degrees, which they then stamped as being “official” copies. Thanks.

London also wanted me to write a letter explaining why I wanted to be allowed into the program. Basically a Statement of Intent. But wait. I couldn’t type it. No. I had to handwrite it!! This proved to be a challenge. No spellchecker. No Edit—Undo. No backspace. One mistake, and it was back to square one (White Out doesn’t look good on university applications).

I am not really sure the rationale for handwriting a letter. Maybe it proves that my first language really is English – it would look suspicious if I suddenly started writing in Arabic or Mandarin characters. Not typing also ensures that letters are not typed in Webdings - it is highy inconvienent when you go through an entire letter having accidently used the wrong font oops. I have lost most of my handwriting skills – I ended up printing the letter (in my lovely teacher printing, which is still fairly bad). Needless to say, London may assume that an articulate 6 year old wrote it. As a side note, I did teach a handwriting lesson in London, and I found one more skill that I definitely need to work on before ever attempting that again (F is a b*tch).

I’m sort of hoping that London doesn’t request my transcript (since I couldn’t produce the original copies of my degrees!) – I’m not exactly pleased with my disjointed academic history. It also have to fess up to those two deferrals – the dastardly things!

And then Liverpool. Liverpool was happy with receiving copies of everything! In fact, they were much more interested in my employment history than my academic history. My employment history is the one thing more disjointed than my academic history. The UK has this fascination with 3 year accountability (“document everything you have done over the course of the last three years, leave no gaps – if you must leave a gap, explain why” – they are less than amused when you explain a gap by writing “jail term” into the blank space).

So now it is back to waiting; I hate waiting. Unfortunately I sent my documents in the regular mail, so I will be waiting for awhile. If London decides they want my originals, I will personally hand deliver them next month…now, thanks to my short attention span, I am going to listen to the A.R. Rahman compilation, and satisfy my newly found craving for Punjabi Electronica…ya….

London Sooner or Later

Ok. So first off – I have been answering the same questions on a regular basis. Not surprisingly they all correspond to London. So let me settle the score. I will be returning to London – likely soon.
Two weeks ago I was supposed to fly back overseas. The night before my departure, feeling an overwhelming amount of anxiety, I decided to miss my flight. One more donation to Air Canada. Lovely. Unfortunately, I keep recalling the anxiety I felt during the last go, and am now psyching myself out for my return. It’s like that horrible memory that just keeps rearing it’s ugly head – I’m sure this time will be completely different, but what if it isn’t? After a long conversation with my new recruiter, it was mutually decided that I should take more time to figure this whole situation out. It was a good decision – returning to London under those circumstances, with the amount of doubt that I was feeling, would have ultimately broken me.
So two weeks later, I am starting to dread the return (again). I don’t want to go back – to teaching. London, yes. Teaching in London – no. Unfortunately there is a recession, which means a lack of jobs. So that puts me back at square one. A recession sort of seals my fate – I have to go back and teach. Lovely.
That doesn’t mean that it is the end of the road though. I’ve applied to two separate university programs – one in international relations & development and one in international human resources. Ultimately I can’t go to school without the income that teaching provides. It is an evil reality. My other new found reality is that I need to learn – I might be addicted to education. After visiting the Athabasca University website nearly daily for the past month, I have decided to avoid registering for a needless course and actually apply my interest (and money) towards attaining a new credential (that will likely not put my any closer to a job, but like I said, I need to learn). Maybe having something to exercise my mind will also help me to stay in London. Or maybe I’m delusional. That’s more likely the real answer.
Most people would *smartly* give up by this point. There is something that keeps drawing me back to London. I am not finished with the experience, and I haven’t ended it on my own terms yet. I see the benefits of having an international experience, in terms of both professional and personal growth. Plus I want to go to Morocco, Malta, Tunisia, etc, etc, etc, and the best way to do that is to work in London. Travelling Leanne always wins.

Hmm....and they said life is easy...

So let's say it is 10 years ago...no...it was longer, but let's go with 10.....so it is 10 years ago, and I am sitting in a dingy highschool classroom, listening to a teacher fill my head with some story about the necessity of choosing a career, going to university, etc. Apparently it is possible to get a really good job with a university education. Apparently there is some kind of prestige in having an education. Apparently you won't have to work at McDonald's. Wow. Sounds good. I am a completely impressionable teenager - I had heard this song and dance before - my parents had told me the same story on numerous occasions. Now I'm sitting here in class, and someone with more authority and knowledge than my parents (I'm a teenager, remember?) is confirming their propaganda. Must be true. Decide to explore it on my own.



Alright...so lets stay in the past for a minute....freshman year of university...I'm young, still impressionable...naive...oh-so-naive. The course catalogue is filled with unique and interesting classes. I have no clue what I'm doing, or what the world expects from me. I choose a major. I dislike it. I choose a new major. I change it again. Its all about having a university education, right? I mean, it doesn't really matter what the degree is actually in, does it? Its the education that matters, nothing else? As long as I love what I'm studying - that is the key? At least, that is what I have been lead to believe.



Ok...time leap...2008. I have a university education...a fairly substantial one, in fact. I have spent the better part of a decade getting that education. And what can I say about that decade? It was stressful, fund-draining and a time management nightmare (between work and school) but filled with drunken escapades, random encounters, sporadic and spontaneous travel, and friendships fueled by likemindedness and intoxication. I can sit back now and look back fondly at those times. They were great - minus the stress and vomitting. I can't really complain about the student life. You commit to your education, but nothing else. You never truly commit to your employment when you are a fulltime student....I have worked 2-3 jobs at a time, and still kept my education as a priority. But seriously...spring break comes, there is a mention of Cancun, and suddenly you find yourself in a tequila-induced coma on a white sand beach in Mexico - and it is during those times that present and future employment become virtually nonexistent thoughts.



After a decade in school, it is easy to see how someone might have trouble readjusting to the "real world". Ok...no...scratch that! How can someone readjust to the "real world" when they have only ever known a world filled with school work and deadlines? It is a bit overwhelming to suddenly find one's self outside of academia. But I am. What now?



Ok...so where have I been leading with this? University was a great experience. But in terms of experiences it was also the most useless thing that I could have possibly done. It sounded good - "get an education, get a high paying job" - but then reality sets in after graduation....what exactly is employable about 85% of the classes that I have taken (and paid to take!)? I am in severe educational debt...but am so beyond unemployable that it is actually somewhat scary. I don't have a trade...I have no skills (apparently being able to study well and write a paper are not skills that most employers require). I have an HBA...a B.Ed...a BSc (hopefully soon to be an HBSc)...and no job. Yes, I could teach. But wait...university has burned me out of wanting to do prep work every single night. So much for teaching. Where is that great job that university supposedly guaranteed?



The odd thing about commercialism is that you can return a sweater (let's say the sweater cost $25) if you don't like it, or if it doesn't meet your needs. Granted there is generally a time limit, but it is returnable. Now...a sweater is the most mundane item - it doesn't really impact your life, influence your livelihood (unless you designed it) or anything of that nature. But you have the option of an undo. Now let's look at university - the average university education runs around $40,000? Between tuition and text books, supplies, etc....ok...so $40,000 - many of us come out of university riddled with that debt. My university education isn't working for me. I don't like it. It doesn't meet my needs. Can I return it? No. I'm stuck with it. Now granted, you can't return knowledge - something about intellectual property, yada yada. But I would be more than willing to return the initials behind my name.



So let's go back 10 years again...I took the other fork in the road...didn't go to university. Where would I be now? I don't know. But I'm beginning to think that I would be in a better place. I might have entered the workforce straightaway, learned employable skills, or even gotten a trade. By 2008 I might have been more valuable than minimum wage and parttime employment. But wait - I can't even say that I am as valuable as minimum wage, because dammit...those degrees are on my resume - and who wants to hire an educated person for a minimum wage job? The answer: "remove the degrees, and you will find work. " "But...I spent a lot of money to get those degrees"...oh well...



Life is made up of experiences. Some of them are wonderful and beneficial. Some of them are just plain difficult and expensive. University was all of that. But what has it left me? If I stay in my hometown, my education is wasted...and that's the reality. What now? I don't know. But I'm going back to school in June - which absolutely contradicts everything up until this point....but this time I will return with the hope that one day, something can come of my education. I'm realizing too - I had it right the first time around, and now I need to fix that. Maybe I am as naive as I was 10 years ago, but I'd like to think that is not the case. And it can't be, right?