Monday, 4 January 2010

The 2009 Review

Well 2009 and safely behind us, and I am having one of those reflective moments. It is interesting to read the countless Facebook status updates – a greater number of people seem to have unrealistic expectations for prosperity in 2010 than ever before. Maybe after a two year (or more) period of instability, and economic disparity, turning the calendar to January 1st seems like a step in the right direction. A fresh start, new outlook, new goals and resolutions. I understand the mentality, though I don’t entirely share the belief that a new year means a new outlook.
I don’t adhere to the principles of the New Year’s Resolution. It sets you up for failure even before you have gotten off the starting line. The number of individuals who resolve to eat healthy, work out, loose weight, etc – that shouldn’t be a New Year’s Resolution – that is a lifestyle change that you can’t merely put a time frame on.

That being said, I do have hope for 2010. It’s technically a new decade (or is it 2011 that starts the new decade? I am never sure…was 2000 the new millennium or 2001?) – and that seems fresh, for lack of a better word. It also signifies the end of my twenties. I’m not an ageist, or at least I would like to think I’m not – but I am fearful of my thirties. I’ve blogged about them before – I am not fearful about turning thirty, I am fearful because I am not where I expected to be at thirty. No, I won’t be making a New Year’s Resolution – I will be making “turning-30 resolutions.” I wanted a career by the time I was thirty, to have visited the 6 most populous continents, to be debt free and finished my education. I failed on all accounts. With seven months left before turning over the next decade of my life, I have very little time to complete any of those tasks.
So what has 2009 brought me? Hmmm….good question…
Let’s review the 365 days that were…
Started off kind of messy – I was still reeling from having returned from England. Deep in regret, I purchased my return ticket early in the month. I was hired on by a new agency, but recruited students for my old agency. In the weeks leading up to my departure, I started to panic. Panic moved to paralyzing fear – and twelve hours before departing, I cancelled it. Maybe it was too soon, maybe it wasn’t meant to be. That was the basis of my January –the England struggle. Oh and how could I forget the introduction of Panda?? Silly me! The house hasn't been quiet since...

Unemployment. No wait – I wasn’t unemployed – I was still hired on to return to England. On the tackiest day of the year (Valentine’s Day) I met my present boyfriend. I’m not much for love and touchy-feely moments, but it is worth noting…possibly. Amidst continual uncertainty about England, I decided to fly to Vancouver to meet my new recruiter, in person. I figured that this would quench my anxiety. And thus, that is where I ended my month.

A brief whirlwind tour of Vancouver, with one of my closest friends; realized that were both in love with the West Coast (who wouldn’t be – outdoors and not freezing in March?) I met with my new recruiter, and even though I thought she was great, the anxiety never disappeared. A brief visit in Edmonton…why do I continually go to Edmonton in the middle of winter? Back to Thunder Bay…back to unemployment. But still clinging to England.
And it is at this point the year starts to kind of just surge downhill. I went back to goose patrol in April. And that’s pretty much enough of that.

More goose patrol. More England anxiety.

More geese. A little despondent about England.
More geese, but interspersed with dog training. Kobalt had a stellar agility trial – his first – and earned his first agility title. Yes, I can live vicariously through the successes of my dog. Panda also trialed and received a pretty purple ribbon in conformation. More dog success.
There was this brief discussion of London – until it was realized that while I could find work, my friend could not. So that lead to more geese. Do you sense a pattern yet?
Why ask? More geese.
Laid off from employment – less geese. I finally start to part with the England idea, and closed my UK bank account. For the first time in almost two years I was no longer England-bound.
Virtually unemployed, and finally gave up the final piece of the England equation – the plane ticket. I did start to explore other destinations though – maybe Ottawa or London, Ontario. Who knows though...
So what else can be said about 2009? In terms of the weight – I lost maybe twenty pounds this year, but have put probably thirty pounds back on. Why did that happen? I quit caring.
The one thing I know for 2010 is that it is time to start cleaning my closet – not in the literal sense (but my closet does need cleaning too) – it is time to make changes and start cutting out the influences that cause me the most grief. I am tired of the monotony, tired of unhappiness. Again, it’s not about making a resolution but about redefining my path. Who knows what this year will hold…it has to be better just does...

Saturday, 2 January 2010