Calorie Counting

Because I am a moderately nice person, and because I have been blown away by counting calories and by an obsession of finding out how many calories are in some of my adored foods, I have compiled a list of links to popular fast food restaurants. Remember, one combo meal can equal the majority of your daily caloric intake!! I’ll update the list as I think of new places!!

Starbucks
http://www.starbucks.com/retail/nutrition_info.asp
(Starbucks does offer “skinny” options)

McDonald’s
http://www.mcdonalds.ca/en/food/calculator.aspx

Wendy’s
http://www.wendys.com/food/NutritionLanding.jsp

Tim Hortons
http://www.timhortons.com/ca/en/menu/nutrition-calculator.html

Taco Time
http://www.tacotimecanada.com/nutrition.php

Subway
http://www.subway.com/applications/NutritionInfo/index.aspx

Quiznos
http://www.quiznos.com/subsandwiches/Products.aspx

Pizza Hut
http://www.pizzahut.com/Nutrition.aspx


Calorie Counters
(more for individual foods, some name brand items, etc)

Fit Day
http://www.fitday.com

The Calorie Counter
http://www.thecaloriecounter.com/

Talking fat Some More

I’ve been keeping up with this happy blog for over a year now. Considering I have major commitment issues, I would say that is pretty good! If you have been reading for any length of time, you might know that it was meant to chronicle my days in Banbury, England – however short they may have been.

Time out for a moment. I’m at my regular coffee watering hole, but I can’t concentrate. Thanks to a recent upgrade to my laptop, earphones are no longer recognized by the system. Part of my “blogging zone” includes listening to music. Instead I am now forced to listen to the girls on my right side talking about kidney dialysis and how stupid physiologists are (assumed med students), and the table of girls to my left discussing how fantastically awesome they are (oh to be young and full of ego!).

Needless to say, this isn’t going far.

Alright, so this blog started as my testimonials for life in Banbury. It has kind of adapted into a chronicle of my disaster zone and weight loss goals. I guess the weight loss thing is sort of relevant at the moment; it has kind of consumed my life for the past 16 months, and prevents me from seizing a life that I desperately want. Mainly I blog about the weight thing to help others struggling with the challenge; it’s not something I talk too much about in the “real world”.

Recently I was asked if loosing weight has made me happier. If I had to evaluate my happiness, from a year ago compared to today, I would have to say that I am far more unhappy (does that make sense?). Ok, yes, a large part of that has to do with the mass uncertainty surrounding many aspects of my life at the moment. But…But… Here’s the big but…the weight loss has made me far from happy.

The true confession is that I see myself far fatter today than I did in 2007. I look at my body and keep thinking… “God, that’s gross!”

Maybe I spent so long ignoring my size, that now I’m making up for it.

But then there is the notion of the 30 pounds – I can’t kick start my weight loss again. Even with cutting meat, and moving to a largely fruit and veggie diet, my body is in a “f*ck you” mode. And even once the 30 pounds is gone, will I really be satisfied?

Now here is the other side of weight loss…
I’ve worked so hard to get to this point – to be able to see muscle definition, bones, etc that it makes me fearful. As much as I want to go back to London, I live in fear that it could undo that work; that the muscles will go mushy, and the fat will return. That fear is justified – when I started piling on weight, it happened literally overnight. It can’t be the reason for living in fear, can it? Yet the fear doesn’t go away – I could never replicate my home workout in London, the hills that I climb every day do not exist in the metropolitan environment.

The most amazing thing is how I have managed to reach this point with the zero willpower that I have. I am still unable to control myself around my primary comfort foods. Wave chocolate in front of my face, and watch out! Throw in bread, beer battered chicken strips, wings, etc and it is a cataclysmic breakdown.

Now, if you are doing the weight fight, I can’t say that it is all bad. But loosing weight won’t change your life (unless you were on the Biggest Loser and happen to sign T.V. and book deals as a result. Or if you are Jared and you went to Subway to loose your weight. Neither apply to me). I would love to say that I had more direction, or some sort of stability thanks to the weight loss. I don’t.

The only really cool thing is my anonymity – people don’t recognize me now. And that’s a really positive affirmation. The encouragement and support that I receive are awesome. Initially when an individual begins to have noticeable weight loss changes, people are afraid to ask about it. Now, I have lost enough weight that friends, family, neighbours, etc, ask me about the process and want to talk about it. Consistently I am told that I must feel so much better; but in reality I do not. I’ve always been active, the only difference is that I eat
better.

Alright, so I’m running out of time for today, and too be honest, my head is swirling. I’m not sure if it is because I am getting sick or because I am hung over. It could be both.







Pictures: LEFT - Ottawa, March 2008 - side profile pic that made me cry ;p (I had already been on "diet" for four months and thought I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay thinner!); RIGHT - Thunder Bay, April 17, 2009 (first side profile pic that I was actually moderately OK with!)

Talking Fat: For You...

I notice that I haven’t posted in awhile…it’s not from lack of trying; mainly just from lack of interest – ya, my interest.

So first off, I know you read this blog. If you are still eating a 1000 calories a day, I will personally kick your *ss.
Here is why – and if you read my blog closely you will know – but a 1000 calories a day constitutes a crash diet. Your body will hit starvation mode, which means that instead of loosing weight, you will start to gain weight again. As soon as you introduce food to your body, your starved ass will attack it, and hold on to it like there is no tomorrow. At your height and weight, you can’t eat 1000 calories a day. You want to loose – not gain, right? I know that weight loss should be an overnight process. It’s not. Find a website that can calculate for you, how many calories you need to maintain your weight. Then work in a daily deficit of 750 calories. Two pounds a week is the MAXIMUM amount you should be loosing. I know it sucks. Especially when you can put on more than two pounds every week. Weight loss wasn’t meant to be fast. If you want to quicken the weight loss, then work out – it burns more calories, and converts fat to muscle, which makes you look lighter than you actually are. Also, muscle burns more calories just to maintain– it’s a good reason to work out.

Actually – here is the calorie maintenance calculator…enjoy!
http://www.caloriecontrol.org/calcalcs.html

So…I have been asked to keep talking about the fat burn. I can’t really say I’m a good authority on it at the moment. It is funny to be reaching this stage, and be doing the research that I should have done almost a year ago. No, I am mistaken. I am not really researching topics related to weight loss – the majority of my reading pertains to staying away from the ugly chemicals that inundate North American food. That sh*t scares me. Fortunately cutting all those chemicals out is actually beneficial for overall eating habits. Sort of.

I am pleased to say that I am over two weeks meat free. Now, that isn’t to say that I will stay entirely meat free on a permanent basis. I won’t give up my love for Chinese food for the rest of my life. Or chicken curry. Or beer battered chicken strips. Life is just too short to cut out so much enjoyment. But, for the majority of the time and for the health benefits, I will be meatless. No more mass quantities of animal hormones!

At the moment I can’t really write too much about healthy living and weight loss. Even though I have given up meat, I have eaten more food in the past two weeks than I have in the past year. I’d like to think that the veggies are making me hungry, but I know that the calories are chalking up. It doesn’t help that I have also rediscovered my passion for beer. Thank you to the Fox and the Hedgehog for carrying Leffe. Right now I feel bloated from a night of drinking, followed by overindulgence in vegetarian, but calorie-filled chilli. I have kicked up my workouts by several notches, but have been having trouble maintaining my daily workout regime. Yup, I am hitting the wall.

But listen, it happens. I am not excessively worried about it – just a little bit.
I repeatedly tell individuals, that changes need to be made gradually – November 2007, I started eating healthier and working out. In October 2008 I gave up refined sugars. In March 2009 I gave up meat and most dairy products. Over the same time, I have increased the intensity of my workouts. Gradual changes…not overnight.
Ok that’s it for weight right now – I need to step my butt on a scale and see what the damage of my recent indulgences has been. And I need to get my head out of the clouds. But don’t worry…I’ll talk more about the food process in future blog entries. And maybe about general life too. Who really knows these days…?????

Talking Fat #8: The Ultimate Confession

So I’ve talked a bit about the whole “cleaning up my act and eating healthy” transition that I’ve undertaken. Today I’m going to talk about the reversal – the moments where it is oh-so-easy to fall off the wagon and go on a food bender. I love food – specifically junk food. If it has calories, carbs, sugar, icing, or any other unhealthy component, it is right up my alley.
The five days that I spent in Vancouver and Edmonton were a testament to my lack of willpower. Let me break it down (warning: you may be disgusted).

Thursday (AKA Flight Day)
Started off not too badly – ok, I forgot eat breakfast.
Thunder Bay to Toronto: coffee
Toronto Airport: a really tasty sandwich layered with mayo, chicken, and other garnish, a large double double coffee, and a Tim Horton butter croissant, apple juice
Toronto to Vancouver: coffee, Bits & Bites, more coffee, cookies
Vancouver: Chinese food combo order (lemon chicken, noodles, and a spring roll), gelato (two scoops: toblerone, coffee flavour), cheese, wine, crackers, coffee

Friday (AKA Chris arrives)
Starbucks coffee (Americano), a Starbucks dessert (maybe a muffin or blueberry bar, I can’t be certain), Twix chocolate, a steamed pork bun, all-you-can-eat Indian buffet in the Punjabi market (and I ate, and ate, and ate – there was salad, desert, and copious quantities of food – the waiter actually looked shocked by my eating vigour), sweet rolls, and a rice cake, and I’m sure there was more coffee at some point

Saturday (AKA Food Meltdown)
Breakfast (pancakes with syrup, scrambled eggs, toast), coffee, a Japanese Bento box (California rolls, spring rolls, teriyaki chicken, noodles, miso soup, noodle salad), gyoza, wine, kokanee beer, corona (several), a chocolate and whip cream crepe, Starbucks berry chai tea (mmmmm: warm kool aid)

Sunday (AKA Flight Day to Edmonton)
Chris did the early morning coffee run to Starbucks, more coffee, bits & bites, Marble Slab ice cream (birthday cake flavour with strawberries mashed in), Cajun lunch (gumbo soup, sweet potato fries, and a pulled pork wrap), Tim horton’s blueberry Danish, Wendy’s chicken strip combo, and more coffee

Monday (AKA A day to myself)
Soup (something Cajun, I think), pulled chicken sandwich, fries, coleslaw, Tim Horton’s coffee, a blueberry Danish, baba ganouj, hummus, an Indian chicken wrap, more fries, coffee

Tuesday (AKA Flying Home)
Tim Horton’s coffee, Bits and Bites, coffee, more coffee, more Bits and Bites, a Tim Horton’s blueberry bagel with light cream cheese (because at this point, “light” is important!), more Tim Horton’s coffee, Special K cereal (wait??!! Was I getting healthier again), salad…I fell asleep at 9pm, so my eating day was cut short.

Appalled? Me too! First off, I didn’t know I could eat that much in the course of five days. Secondly, the highlight of my travels was apparently the food, or so it would seem. On the bright side, I wasn’t hungry again until Thursday.

So here’s the point: no matter how much you clean up your lifestyle – old habits die hard! I’m a junk food addict and have zero willpower.

The irony is - for the past 15 months I've tried to stick to under 1500 calories a day (initially it was 1000 calories). I can't even imagine my daily calorie intake during my 5 day sojourn.

Talking Fat #6: A Tale of Two Scales

As I’ve mentioned, I spent nearly eight months in complete ignorance of my weight. In retrospect that was probably a good thing. Had I known my starting weight, I likely would have driven myself crazy. I guess I am still shocked by what I likely weighed when I started. I never felt that overwhelmingly obese. Actually, about a week ago I found out the BMI of a 5’5 female weighing 300 pounds – I was politely told by a website that I was “extremely obese”. Thanks. Ok, so it hurts to hear, but it’s true – I was.

Having been active, and unimpeded by my weight, I just never felt like an ‘extremely obese’ person. Except on a plane – in a plane seat, I felt like a beached whale. In order to avoid embarrassment, I sucked it in so I never had to ask for a seat belt extension. I was riding dangerously close to extension territory though. Other than those ill fated plane trips, I was a thin person stuck in the body of an ‘extremely obese’ person.
During the initial weight loss, I actually took guidance from my clothes to the degree of my success. Starting at a size 24-26, it seemed to take no time at all to get down to a size 18. When I hit 18, it was like a mini party – I swore (and still do) that I would never cross that 20 threshold again.

Ignorant bliss can only last for so long. In July 2008, I finally had to let the walls come *shattering* down. After a heated discussion with the guy I am presently seeing, I knew I had to find out the real number (don’t worry, he’s supportive – I was being the difficult one!). But here is the problem – weight loss, especially extreme weight loss, is a highly emotional battle. There are times that you feel as though you are going nowhere. There are the moments that the fight is just too much to deal with, and the body and mind enter into a state of emotional exhaustion. In July I really thought I was well below 200 pounds. I had to be. I figured I was close to my initial goal of 180 pounds (which was actually supposed to have been crossed in April 2008).

I hated our bathroom scale – a relic that is actually ten years away from being classified as an archaeological artefact. So the following day I stumbled into Walmart (good old Walmart). Apparently scales have changed in the forty years – I was confronted by a number of models, each with fancy gadgets and various programmable features. Since my goal was strictly to weigh myself, and not to program it to play movies, make margaritas, or reach lunar orbit, I finally settled on a basic digital model. Hell, I thought digital was pretty high-tech.

So that night was the grand unveiling – finally finding out the result of 8 months of hard work and emotional upheaval….
And then there was the shock that followed…
Ya. So as it turned out I didn’t weigh 180 pounds. I didn’t weight 200 pounds. Noooo…I was still over 210 pounds (and I’m not saying by how much). Now by July, I had already gone down a bunch of sizes….huh…surely it had to be wrong.
So I tried our old, archaeological specimen scale. And it had the exact same weight. huh. Not good.
I’m not going to claim that the fallout from this discovery was pretty. I’m also not going to claim that I handled it like a trooper. Oh no. I certainly did not handle it well. But that is when I knew that my starting weight had been well over what I had expected. WELL OVER (with emphasis). There were tears. There was stress and anxiety, and that nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept saying “You aren’t finished yet, not by a long shot!”
I am the first one to tell people not to live by the scale while they are dieting. You can’t. It’s too much of a mind game. For instance, I know that my weight naturally fluctuates by at least 10 pounds on a monthly basis. One day you step on the scale, and it reads 5 pounds heavier than it did the previous day. That little shock is then followed by an emotional breakdown. The longer you are on this path, the harder it is to accept those moments.

As a result of that initial weigh-in shock, I did live by the scale for quite awhile. Every day, multiple times a day, I would check the number. There was method to my madness though – the whole reason my weight got out of control was because I had quit weighing myself in 1999. Now I must never let my nerves get the better of me. Even if the reality is too difficult to deal with, it is better to know than to return to blissful ignorance. While in London, my one splurge purchase was a scale – I had to know that my weight wasn’t going back up (especially since I was living off sandwiches, and Tesco sandwiches are like the holy Mecca of unhealthy – thanks mayo)

A couple of nights ago, I was again confronted by the stress of a weight fluctuation. I cross referenced the two scales and realized there was a five pound discrepancy. Granted, five pounds isn’t a lot. But when you are working towards moving down, watching it go up is really disconcerting. So basically it is the battle of the scales- the old relic versus the newer digital one. The newer digital one is reading a lower weight, and it is the one that I will favour. And you know what? I’m ok not knowing which one is right – just as long as the number starts moving downwards again.

I have been praised for my conviction to this process, and the changes that I’ve made. Unfortunately you also reach a point that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done – all that matters is how far you have to go. Right now I am in one of those lulls. It is so close, and I could care less that I have gotten here – all I care about is the moment that I finally arrive. I know that I stand in a relatively tumultuous place. I fear the day that I return to London, and am too tired to work out on a routine basis. I won’t have a grill, so I won’t be able to cook as healthy as I have been. The fear of returning to the Old Leanne, is overwhelming, and yet I haven’t fully arrived at the New Leanne. Oh if only this was somehow simple!

The day after I weighed myself for the first time in nearly 10 years...I wasn't a happy camper :-p

Talking Fat #5: Pictures

Remember back in the first entry when I talked about the picture that opened my eyes and made me realize that there were issues? I’m going to be unveiling it today.

Yep...that's me on the right. This is the picture that started the whole thing :) In the education semi-formal pic, I'm on the left (duh!)









I am so close to my final weight loss goal that I am being driven crazy. The problem with loosing a lot of weight, is the mental exertion and exhaustion that goes with it. Today I found my initial registration on fitday.com – November 25, 2007

While in Ottawa, March 2008

I found fitday.com about a week after I began this whole process. It kills me at times. Back then, I had no idea of my actual weight. I thought I weighed about 245 pounds, and set a monthly weight loss goal of 10 pounds. I also thought that I could have this whole process finished 10-12 months after I started. I just wanted to get it done quickly and efficiently. But that’s not how it works. Like I’ve mentioned, my actual weight was closer to 300 pounds. I had not counted on plateaus, and encountering periods that I just couldn’t “diet” anymore.

I actually managed to get through from November to April with relatively little disturbance. Except for those pesky moments of wondering if I was really making any progress. In April, when I moved over to England, I fell off the wagon, so to speak. During the 3 weeks I spent in Banbury, I returned to my former beer-loving ways. Then I started to panic that I would gain weight back.

A night of sheep herding, July 2008

From May until about August I was fairly good again. I think I had about a week in July that I was absolutely sick of eating healthy and always worrying. Plus with goose patrol, and spending my days in the parks, it wasn’t like I wasn’t getting enough activity. Then in August my plateau hit. I spent the next six weeks stagnating at the same weight. Talk about discouraging! Luckily I had gotten below the 200 mark, so I was moderately encouraged.

In October when I returned to England, I was again not eating as healthy as I should have been. The advantage to this problem was that the stress of being back in England, and the constant worries made me drop about 12 pounds almost instantly. The stagnation was over!! Of course, due to the nature of how I lost the weight, I was a bit worried that it would pack on as soon as I returned home.

August 2008 with Kobalt and Simon

December came, and with it came Christmas. For the two weeks over Christmas break, I ate like there was no tomorrow. It was not entirely intentional. I was going out with friends, and indulging in foods that I had long forgotten. I actually quit weighing myself for the duration of Christmas, because I was afraid of the consequences. Apparently the binge was what my body needed – I lost another 10 pounds between December and mid-January.

November 2008, just after returning from London; Marina Park

Now that my final goal is in sight, I am back to feeling the same way I did when I began this whole process. It has definitely taken me longer to arrive than I ever expected. But again, I didn’t know where I was starting from. Every day is a challenge. Today I was going to take the day off of working out, but still did 70 sit-ups, 50 crunches and 32 minutes of weights because I am pushing towards the finish.

The reality is still that this will never truly end. I read a great article the other day regarding weight loss – the underlying messages were things that I had realized shortly after I began. You can’t change your life overnight, and this has to happen in stages. You can't have a good day every single day. And most unfortunately, there is no simple solution.

January 2009; training Panda, Ozker and Kobalt in my kitchen

**For the record, it would appear that the majority of my pics involve my dogs!

Talking Fat 4: Food Part 2

I am going to breakdown my intake based on what I eat now – though it hasn’t changed much from the beginning, except that I am up to about 1500 calories a day.

Breakfast:
1 yogurt (either the small cup of Yoplait, Danon, etc – 35-40 calories)
½ banana
Either a slice of whole wheat toast with peanut butter, or a cup of Special K cereal with a small amount of skim milk

Lunch:
This is fairly dubious. Sometimes I will eat a cup of soup (low sodium), sometimes its coffee & a muffin at Tim Horton’s. Sometimes it’s the other ½ of the banana. Other times it’s another slice of toast with peanut butter. And sometimes I don’t quite get there.

Dinner:
Salad – sometimes I garnish it with a small quantity of cheese; sprayed with salad spritzers (15 calories per 10 sprays!)
1 boneless/skinless chicken breast grilled (seasoned with either Mrs. Dash, bruschetta sauce, or whatever else I’m feeling)
Broccoli…lots and lots of broccoli (sometimes served with cheese)
Usually another vegetable (beans, corn, whatever)
I will also grill a pork chop periodically, but generally chicken is the food of choice.

Snacks:
Rule of thumb for snacking: cut it out at least 4 hours prior to bedtime or your body won’t have time to process the calories. Wasted energy.
These are the snacks that I regularly indulge in:
- coffee & muffin at Tim Horton’s – seems unhealthy but you have to select the “right” muffin; there is a lowfat blueberry muffin, and a wholegrain raspberry muffin. If I have eaten either of these, I adjust my caloric intake accordingly.
- Fruit: following my workout, I will often have a piece of fruit (generally apples or oranges). Remember though – fruits are high in sugars, and even though they are good sugars, they are still sugars.

Other Tidbits:
Because I am a snacker I have gotten into the habit of carrying candy – you have to be careful because candy can be detrimental – I choose sugar free werther’s, baskin robbins candies, etc. It gives me the illusion that I am eating a tasty and unhealthy treat. Ya. it’s about the mind games.

Water – often times you are hungry because you are thirsty. Drink lots of water.

Don’t buy it – the simplest lesson I learned: if you don’t buy it, you won’t have it to eat. Once I stopped buying cookies, chips, donuts etc, I couldn’t eat them!! So simple.

Don’t eat out every day…or even on a regular basis. Sheesh.

Oh and actually read the label on the foods you eat – look to see if there are trans fats, what the caloric breakdown is, etc. And cut out the frozen dinners. I don’t care how lean cuisinish it is…learn to cook for yourself.

Eating healthy is huge commitment. Initially I allowed myself a weekly splurge – on that day I ate everything “bad” that I could possible find. After a few weeks of doing this, I realized that it wasn’t worth it. I felt sick afterwards; and then I realized that for every day I splurged, I was adding on one or two days to this whole ordeal. Sure I have times that I don’t eat healthy – I go out to dinner with friends, there are the big holiday meals, etc. I think what you actually have to realize is that you must accommodate your splurges. I try to be careful – if I am going to have a calorie splurge, I try to compensate by either making sure I do my work out, or I forgo my coffee and a muffin, or do something to try and offset the impact.

Here is the other big thing – I try and stay away from grains, dairy, and starches (which I absolutely love!). I miss pasta, and alfredo sauces but in order to be successful it is just best that I don’t eat them. You need to realize what works for you.

After being on this “diet” for over a year, I do allow myself to eat some items that weren’t originally on my list. I will periodically indulge on chocolate – but I still need to leave it with my mom because I apparently lack self control! Once or twice a week I go to Starbucks and have their molasses cookie (mmmmmm) and a tall strawberries & cream with no whip – on those days, I adjust calories.

Oh…and green tea. I drink a ton of tea…copious amounts. You may hear that green tea is the “secret” to weight loss. I don’t really buy it – you need to drink A LOT of green tea to be able to boost your metabolism – but it is a zero calorie alternative to straight water, so I drink it.

Ultimately though, it is about finding out what works for you, and developing your own tricks and mind games. And about making healthy decisions. These are not short term changes and they aren’t applicable just for the duration of the so-called diet. When you make the decision to change your eating habits, you must maintain those changes. You can’t just eat healthy for a year and revert back to old habits. It’s hard, but it is worth it. I think anyway!

Talking Fat Part 2

When I started this whole weight ordeal, I didn’t tell a soul. Some people need the encouragement and support of the world. I needed secrecy. I never went out and announced “Hey! I’m starting a diet on Monday!” This really isn’t a good approach to weight loss – it sort of sets you up for failure in that regard. I also didn’t “start” in the conventional sense. I did not decide on Friday that Monday would be “the” day to begin (which generally means you spend your weekend binging on every bad food that you enjoy!)…I kind of just fell into a beginning.

Ok let me clear something up first – I have started many, many, many diets on Monday. I have also started many diets “tomorrow”. I have fallen off many diets the following day, and decided that I would just finish binging for that 24 hour period and begin again the next day…or the following Monday…or I would just stop for the weekend and start over…and so on…and so forth…

What I am trying to stay is that it doesn’t work.

Here is the other thing. When you decide to start, you have to want it. You can’t just do it because society says so…or because Cosmo wants you to….or because that size 10 dress would look hot on you…You really need to want it. I say that I can’t commit – but the truth is, if you are obese and you want to change your life, this is the hardest of commitments.

I know, if you have never had this battle, you can probably look at it from the health perspective – it’s just plain healthy to eat right, and be thin – uh huh…f*ck off (sorry, that’s Northern Ontario terminology for…f*ck off). Here is my advice to someone who has never gone through this or is a fatist: pick one area of your life and change it completely – undo your programmed regime, and start something new. Not so simple is it?

Now let me make something else clear – I’ve never read a diet book. I have taken no guidance from a dietician. I have not been helped by a personal trainer, watched videos, or participated in fad diets. I belonged to a gym in 2007; I hated it and quit. I never went. I’ve never belonged to Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, or any other organization. I haven’t had a support group. I will acknowledge that these options do work for some individuals. Not me. This was a personal struggle.

So let me get back on track. I began this in mid-November of 2007. One day, I got up and decided that I should really start walking again. And so I did. I started off by walking about 2.5 km a day. Being that it was November, I realized that it would be a difficult commitment because I dislike winter, and horrendous temperatures would soon be upon me. But I trudged along…

A week or so later, I realized that walking was great, but generally pointless without changing something else. Hmmm…maybe eating chocolate bars, stopping at Tim Horton’s for donuts, and indulging in a multitude of high calorie junk really wasn’t a good idea….
And so over the course of two weeks, I changed my whole lifestyle. I went from a semi active fat person willing to eat any crap that passed in front of her, to a fairly active fat person who was *trying* to eat healthy.

So…eating healthy…I need to clear something up about that…

Often you hear about people who travel, finding themselves experiencing diarrhea and other maladies thanks to the local cuisine. Likewise, when I decided to clean up my eating habits, I experienced many of the same symptoms. I’m not going to claim that the initial phases of healthy eating are pretty. They aren’t. If you have conditioned your body to living on crap, your body will not positively respond to a sudden change. I didn’t eat vegetables. I did not eat salad on a regular basis. Oh and fruit – I HATED fruit (unless it was mixed with alcohol). I will fully admit that the first 10 pounds I lost were probably the result of being sick as a dog from eating healthy. Don’t get me wrong; it was worth it.

Ok, now here is the other thing. Because I never actually “started” this, I never weighed myself when I started. Remember in the last blog when I said that it was 9.5 years before I weighed myself? Ya. I began changing my habits in November 2007, and it was July 2008 before I stepped onto a scale (we can discuss that ordeal later). Here is what I know…
Based on pictures, on what I have been told, and on what the scale said in July, I began this whole experience weighing in somewhere around 300 pounds. I’m 5’5. I’ve never looked at the BMI of a 5’5 person weighing 300 pounds, but it can’t be good. If you need to visualize…when I sat down at McDonald’s, Tim Horton’s or whichever other fast food restaurant, I wore the table.

But really, what I am trying to point out here is that this was never about a diet. It is about a lifestyle change. On a so-called “diet” you expect to return to your normal routine once you have shed your 15 pounds. Realistically though, if you are truly overweight, you can never return to your former habits. Once you make the commitment to change your lifestyle, you have to hold true to it.

Ok…so that’s it for today…I have to get some stuff done…but in the next entry you can look forward to the food portion of this change ….some days I miss it!

Talking Fat Part 1

**This will be the first in a series of entries of highlighting weight. There is just too much to say in one entry!

Recently I stumbled across the blog of a 22 year old, who is striving to loose weight. Topping the scales at about 315 pounds, she has realized that she needs to change her life. I will admit that I respect her ability to make her struggle public, and appreciate that she has been brave enough to post pictures showing her pre-diet physique. I haven’t spent a lot of time looking over weight loss blogs; mainly because I didn’t realize that so many people chronicled their lives in this online community. Several months ago I found a blog entitled “I have bones!!” also highlighting the challenges faced by one dieter. I kind of laugh at the title, because I can empathize with it – seeing my clavicles, and being able to feel the bones in my hands and feet, after all these yeas, is somewhat of a novelty. Plus I specialized in bones…so you know…

It is ironic that I should be sitting next to my workout class instructor while I’m writing this blog (a bit of guilt materializes as I have not been present in her class for the past two weeks).

I’ve briefly mentioned by weight struggles in this blog, but have never really touched the heart and soul of the battle. Over the course of the past several months I have had numerous people stop and ask me what sort of diet I have been on – the truth is, I am not on a diet. It is not about South Beach, Atkins, Mayo Clinic, Weight Watchers, or the sundry of other fad diets that exist in this world. No, if you are substantially overweight, it is not about “dieting”. It is about changing your lifestyle. When I started this challenge, I was substantially over weight…errr…ok…I was obese.

How did I get there?

I would love to say that it was a genetic predisposition to obesity. But it’s not, and I am not entirely certain that I believe in that mentality. My parents were both overweight, but they were far from stellar examples of proper eating habits. So no, I can’t say that I have a genetic predisposition to obesity. While I have Italian and Polish ancestry (*insert ethnic jokes here*), and while the general stereotype of both cultures includes a tendency towards plumpness, I don’t use that as my excuse. Furthermore, both cultures include a heavy reliance on foods laden with starches and carbohydrates. That could potentially explain the plumpness exhibited in both. No, I can’t believe that I was genetically predisposed.

I know the evolutionary excuse for obesity: throughout human history there has been a tendency towards periods of famine. Over time, the human body adapted itself to these periods by evolving a mechanism to ensure that calories were stored for later utilization. In modern times, and in the Western World, we do not go through those periods, but are still inclined to eat like there is a possibility that famine could occur. Hence we are obese. Or something like that. No. I don’t believe that I my fat was the product of evolution, or that I am some ultra-adapted human form (and for the sake of humanity, let’s pray that I am not natural selection’s answer to evolution!)

No, I got to the point of obesity through hard work and determination. I started university in a fairly good place, health and weight-wise. I was religious about working out, and was desperate to be that thin, pretty blond in class. And then exams happened. And then I started to loath working out – if I missed a day I beat myself up incessantly (working out can be a detrimental obsession). My ex boyfriend spent a week long vacation at my house – after he left I weighed myself, and was shocked to see that in the course of 6 weeks I had gained about 20 pounds. How did that happen????? That was 1999 and it would be 9.5 years before I would step onto another scale.

I was very careful about not acknowledging my weight gain. I have done a fair bit of travelling and would decline having my pictures taken at all expense. If I couldn’t see it, it wasn’t real. I wouldn’t go to the doctor – because doctors like to weigh their patients. Gradually over time more weight packed on. It is actually quite amazing how quickly it can happen. It took no time at all to go from a size 13 to a size 26 (yep, that’s where I peaked!). Oh it helped that I had a love for beer (and copious quantities of it), junk food, pop, and foods saturated in fats, butters, etc. I loved bread. Adored donuts. There was no cut off point either. During times of stress or uncertainty I ate. It also helped that I lived in a city that seemed to pride itself in unhealthy lifestyles. Sorry Thunder Bay, but we are fat, and alarmingly so.

Now – how could I let my body get so out of control?? Did I not notice what was happening? I think the benchmark of being obese is being able to look in the mirror and not see it. Even when photos were accidently taken of me, there was no actual registering of the problem. Plus there was the other factor: I was active. Considering I was fat, I never truly felt fat. I didn’t have the back aches, ill health, diabetes, etc. I participated in dog training. I hiked, backpacked, lifted weights, etc. I remember hiking up hill in the 100 degree heat in Guatemala with a pack strapped to my back, and being able to do it without backing down. People tell me I must feel so much better now – but the truth is, I never felt bad.

Ok so if I didn’t notice, what actually happened? I would love to say there was a warning sign that initiated the change. There wasn’t. Here is the truth – it was strictly society and vanity. First off, I started to find fatist groups on Facebook. What is a fatist? A person who hates fat people – fairly straight forward right? The Brits actually host a surprising number of these groups. Then there was the fact I had a crush on a guy who I knew would never like me if I was the size of a house (which is the absolute wrong reason to loose weight!). Let me just clear something up right now: if a guy (or a girl) couldn’t feel for you before you lost the weight, they aren’t worth your time once you have. Then there was Valerie Bertinelli (oh yes)…her comment about starting a New Year without having to worry about her weight was definitely an inspiration. Ok, and then there was the idea of turning 30 and not wanting to spend another decade trapped by my weight. And the idea of wanting to travel and not having to be stared at by cultures who are stunned by “giant North Americans”. All of these things were swirling in my head…

And then came the straw that broke the camels back…


The picture…
The one that got through….

My friends and I met at Kelsey’s one afternoon in late 2007. One of my friends was expecting a baby (rather soon), and we were celebrating the impending birth. A photo was snapped of the three of us together and there it was…I was bigger than my pregnant friend. Huh…who knew???

I enjoy talking on chat programs like MSN, Skype etc – but generally declined to share my picture. It was so much effort to snap a picture that hid the evidence of my fat. If you have been down this road, you will know – angling your head to disguise the double chin, lengthening the neck…and if all else fails – lean back and hold the camera above your head and let your fat droop back.

But there was the picture that didn’t hide it.

So with all of these things circling in my head, and the picture to top it off, I knew it was time to change. And that’s where I’ll leave it for today….