London...remember remember...

What a day, what a day. It started at midnight, which technically means that yesterday never ended. And really, it didn’t. Due to the thin walls in my hotel, the rather LOUD couple in the room next to me, kept me up for hours (Talking – get your mind out of the gutter!). I tried knocking on the wall to shut them up – they didn’t get the message. I had my redemption though – I went out of my way to be noisy at 6am when my alarm went off. I’m not usually that much of a wench, but today, I felt I deserved it.

I was back teaching in Carshalton – can I say that I dreaded it? Between the exhaustion and never ending financial stress I’m presently under, teaching is the furthest thing from my mind. It was so tempting to climb back into bed and forget today. I didn’t though.

My day was supposed to begin by teaching textiles. The supervisor quickly realized that having someone who couldn’t sew, teach textiles, would likely not be a good idea. Truthfully I didn’t even know what textile class would entail. So…I was switched to history. History I understand. Given the monumental political outcome of yesterday’s election, I was also able to discuss history in the making. Here is my day:

History - Periods One & Two: The Roman Empire & British History:

“Miss, miss…is Barack Obama the same person as Obama?”
I was a bit confused because the room was decorated with posters supporting Obama.

“Miss, why did the Americans put their election at the same time as a holiday that is so important to the UK?”
“What do you mean? It’s Wednesday?”
“Remember, remember the fifth of November.”
“Ok??”
“Its Bonfire Day.”
“That can’t be good.” (all I could picture was the school alit with fire)
“It celebrates this time, when a guy decided to blow up the Parliament buildings. Tonight there will be a ton of fireworks and bonfires.”
“He tried to blow up Parliament? And you celebrate this?”
“Yes.”
*mental note: explains a great deal to me about the Brits.

“Miss, the Romans went to war with the Italians and killed them.”

“The similarity between early Britain and present day Britain is cheese. They had cheese then, and they have cheese now.”
“Good to know.”


Technology – Double Period
This was the equivalent of a Canadian shop class; Home Ec. & Shop are not my subjects by any stretch. Luckily the students had some pre-assigned work, but were more concerned about my accent.

“Miss, what do you call this?” – points to a garbage can
“A bin.”
*student looks disappointed; ok I will humour her…
“A garbage can.”
*student looks more satisfied

“Miss what do you call a jumper?”
“Miss, what do you call a rubber?”
“Miss what do you call a coloured pencil?”
“Miss what do you call a ruler?”
*Another student interjects, much to my relief:
“Stop it, she can speak English.”

“Miss, I heard that Canadian girls like British boys because of their accents. Is it true?”
“I don’t really know.”
“But do you like British boys because of their accents?”
I just walked away from this one. For the record, I have preference for Irish accents.

“Miss, do you know Ms. Smith? She lives in Canada.”
“Talked to her yesterday”

“Miss my aunt lives in Canada. Do you know her?”
“Ya, we had dinner right before I left for England.”


Childbirth & Child Safety
Here we go again…Leanne in childbirth and child safety class. Luckily there was a previously assigned project. Not that the students were interested in doing the project. Truthfully I understand – I always preferred to do my schoolwork at home, and spend class pursuing conversation. Maybe this makes me a moderately bad teacher.


So at the end of the day I have staggered back to my local Starbucks, unsure what tomorrow will bring. For the record – Starbucks is officially celebrating Christmas.

London Absolutely Exhausted

I would like to say that I successfully saw every hour last night. Wait..no…I did have a brief moment of sleep between 12:15 and about 12:45, during which I recall having a rather in depth conversation with a friend back home. Yes, the conversation was an illusion, and was quite odd (if I recall correctly, it was a full conversation regarding Jeremy Shockey of the New Orleans Saints). I did momentarily fall asleep again – except that the hotel was LOUD last night. As soon as I started to doze off there would be a crash, a siren, or any other sundry of things that kept me up. Sleep was just not happening for me. It’s time to move.

I officially began my day at 5:30am – wasn’t sure what time registration was, and wanted to make sure that I made my train. After a brief, groggy sojourn to Surrey, I arrived at the school. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. Apparently I had beat most the of the staff by about an hour. I told one of the teachers what time I had arrived at – she started to laugh…
“Why did you arrive so early???”
“My agency didn’t tell me what time school started.”
More laughter.
“So would I be safe to assume that I can take a later train in the future???”
More laughter.
“Ummm…ya. And get a coffee when you get here.”

In actuality, taking a later train only guarantees me about an addition half hour to forty-five minutes of sleep, but it’s a start right? Oh wait…and that is only if I can actually get to sleep.

So that was the prologue. My initial assignment required me to teach health; truthfully I taught a little bit of everything. Here is a synopsis of my day:

Periods 1 & 2: Pregnancy & Child Safety --> probably not subjects that are my ideal. Luckily I have taken enough Sex. Ed to adequately get me through conception and birthing. I can say vagina in the classroom without blushing. I can talk about HIV and herpes without faltering. Here is a sample of my conversations:

“Why do you think it is important for a woman to have a blood test for HIV?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well do you think it is possible to give HIV to a fetus?”
“No. A baby can’t get an STD.”
“Don’t ever have sex. Ever.”

“Can you think of any other STDs that can be passed to a fetus?”
“No. They can’t be passed.”
“What about herpes? Chlymydia?”
“Nope. They can’t be passed.”
“What about when then baby rips through the birth canal?”
“Nope.”
“Huh. Don’t have children.”

Student to Leanne:
“Did you see that documentary where the baby comes through the birth canal and rips the woman open from here (*picture a rather inappropriate drawing*) to here?”
“No….but using contraception would have prevented that.”


Period 3: Home Economics (AKA Cooking)-->In terms of subjects I should not teach, I would like to add Home Ec. to my list.
“Miss, miss…does this look normal?” (keep in mind, I had just come from childbirth).
“Umm…that depends…what is it supposed to be?”
“An apple pie.”
“huh…then no.”

“Miss, miss…I’m baking a fruit pie. Do I have to cook the fruit first?”
“Cook the fruit?”
“Ya…I don’t know how to cook fruit.”
“Me neither. Don’t cook it, throw it in the shell and see what happens.”

“Miss! My dough is dry.”
“Yes it is.”
“What do I do?”
“Ask someone else.”

Period 4: Phys. Ed. --> Initially I was supposed to teach dance. I got away with having the students write journal entries. Crisis averted.

Period 5: French à Je suis Canadienne. Je parle Francais tres mauvais. Luckily I could get through Grade 10 French. When in doubt, I consulted a dictionary. I hope I never end up teaching German.

By the end of the day I was fully exhausted, and hungry enough that I could eat anything in sight. Luckily I don’t have the money to eat what I want! Coming out of the school I seriously doubted my want to continue, and doubted whether or not I could do this on a daily basis. Now, after a Starbucks coffee, I think I could at least go a second day. Luckily I won’t know until Wednesday. Leanne needs sleep and more perspective. Or at least a stiff drink.