Saturday, 8 November 2008
I generally don’t do two blogs in one day. Tonight I need to. I keep wondering to myself – what is wrong with me? Why can’t I make this work? It has only been a month, and I am so miserable. I want so desperately to come home. I had started to feel better about a week ago, and then a couple of days ago I just crashed. I can’t hold it together – there is nothing in this world that would make me want to stay. I look towards tomorrow, and realize that living in a hostel will be difficult, and given that I am already struggling, I may be biting off more than I can chew. I’ve been away from home for much longer periods. So why doesn’t this work? The answer I keep coming back to…the one that stands out above all others - I really feel that I am in the wrong profession. I want to make this work, but I’m not sure it is feasible. Earlier this evening, I made the mistake of checking my calendar, to see how long I actually have to continue to endure this. Seeing it in black and white, with the weeks looming in front of me – I nearly broke down on the spot. Tonight I looked into taking a flight back home on Wednesday, but alas, it is far too expensive. I can’t afford to run away from London on a weekly basis – I would love to; it has been almost two weeks since I was in Leeds and I am going out of my mind staying here. I don’t know how much longer I can endure being this stressed out and sad. What do I do?