Saturday, 17 January 2009

Sleep deprived & Murky

As I sit here, attempting to thaw out, I realize that I am completely exhausted. I am tired of dealing with a mind that never, ever shuts off. I have trouble going to sleep at night, because my brain is in overdrive. Last night I could barely stay awake – I finally went to bed, and felt no inspiration to sleep. Finally somewhere around 4:30 I willed myself to sleep – only to wake up a couple hours later thanks to a nightmare. Sleep deprivation is giving me bad dreams that I wake up from, even more tired than when I went to bed

I’ve spent the past couple of days at Lakehead, working at the Education Fair. Recruiting teachers to go to London. I’ll admit that I have kind of enjoyed it – I think I would rather talk and recruit than actually teach. It’s nice to be able to talk to teachers who still have an idealized perspective of teaching, are clueless as to the behaviour management issues in London, and are generally naïve. It is kind of refreshing – I never had that over-exuberant teaching stage, because I had already been working in school for so long. I already knew some of the realities that a lot of NQT’s are not aware of. In some ways it was good, and in other ways it has been detrimental to my wanting to remain in teaching.

It has been two years since I was in the Faculty of Ed. and there now seems to be a better understanding about the state of education. Two years ago, we all had great plans of being hired by school boards in Ontario (and Faculties of Education will give you the impression that there are plenty of jobs out there – in space). These new teachers seem to know that teaching jobs are few and far between. I kind of joked about it at the fair yesterday; I would tell potential candidates “The great thing about a teaching degree, is that you can work anywhere in the world – except for Ontario.”

I miss Café Nero’s hot chocolate. I’m drinking Starbucks right now, and it’s not the same. That has nothing to do with anything…

Honestly I have a bucket of complaints at the moment, an things that I could go on about, but I really don’t have it in me right now.

The state of employment in Thunder Bay is becoming increasingly bad. No surprises there. I have lost the majority of my motivation regarding my thesis. Also not a huge surprise. I guess I’m feeling a little bit disillusioned with education – not teaching, but education in general. Other than teaching, I’m not sure that I have any employable skills. I had been considering grad school, but it seems like a huge commitment that doesn’t necessarily guarantee a job. I’d like a job.

Ok, I’m beating a dead horse that the moment. If you don’t mind, I need to retreat back into my murky head.

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